So I have been thinking recently about how my youngest has grown up – because it totally catches me by surprise this second time round.
I don’t think I was prepared for this and it feels like he’s maybe being a bit naughty and deliberately growing up/doing something memorable or big when I’m not looking.
He’s my second and he’s 15 months already, and I know you should never say never but I’m pretty happy with two babies and definitely not planning on anymore (even though my jobmes with the hazard of meeting adorable, amazing-head-smelling newborn babies 👶🏻 , often on a weekly basis).
Sometimes his growing – ageing seems the wrong word for a 15month old – hits me with such a sharp sudden realisation that it almost takes my breath away and brings up uncomfortable emotions of sadness and sometimes guilt because I feel like, in a weird way, I haven’t been paying as much attention as I did the first time round…
There aren’t as many photos of him as my eldest.
We haven’t done as many classes just me and him.
His first birthday was much smaller affair than my eldest’s.
He doesn’t have as many toys or books as my eldest did.
I haven’t read up on the wonder weeks, or noticed each leap/developmental stage with the same focus.
He fits in – his naps are usually in the pushchair on the way to and from places
And I feel like sometimes he doesn’t get to do what he would like to as much – he doesn’t get to walk around as much as I know he would love to – because at the moment, his walking seems to consist of a) him always wanting to walk the other way from which we’re going, or b) him picking up stones from other peoples’ driveways. And as so often happens, our walks are on the way to other places – to pick up his sister, or drop her off, or family outings.
I sometimes think – how can he be this age? Usually when I see an item of clothing that was his sister’s that now fits him, or he starts showing interest in something that she was into at the same age, like really being interested in books (not just trying to eat them) and I realise how different my perception of time has been this time round
And it’s a weird thing to experience for me because it’s so different to the first time when it felt sometimes like there was so much time, maybe too much time at times! I remember reading up so much about babies development online – often this would be negative though as I would think – but my baby’s not napping for two hours in her cot – I must be doing something wrong.
And I realise that it’s natural to be different, so different this time because I’m doing the job with experience, and actually with hindsight and hindsight is a wonderful thing, and I get to use it this time.
So each time I feel a bit sad, or like I could be more attentive and more present, I remind myself that he has the near-constant entertainment from his big sister.
He has the more confident and experienced parents, who knew exactly what they wanted to do this time round! As in we just co-slept from the start for the first six months, we got his tongue tie sorted straight away, we carried him in a baby carrier, we didn’t spend time focussing on getting him to nap in his cot – plus he’s definitely had chocolate/ice cream and other treats earlier than my eldest.
It does make me wonder what it would be like with a third…but not enough to actually find out! Xx